My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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