What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
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