I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I have post one night stand depression
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