I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
