If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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