YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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