my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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