dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
