: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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