Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
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