I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I'm passing your future prison.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
We need to get me chipped asap
Randomize
