So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
P.S. I can't hear my feet
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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