I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Found the puke drawer
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
