I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
