I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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