Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Randomize
