I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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