I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
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