He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
29 Married People Share What They Used To Find Cute About Their SO—But Now Find Infuriating
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him