my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Go christen that room with your naked body.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
