he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.