I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
