just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
