peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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