One girl and one boy is just not enough.
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Randomize
