I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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