We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
So. Much. Porn.
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