My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
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