You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
