It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Just high enough for therapy.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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