I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
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