there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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