lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
