Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
