forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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