He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
