ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
25 People Confess The Most Ignorant Thing Someone Has Ever Said To Them
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Randomize
