I hate ducks.
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.