plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops