when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.