As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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