We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Is it because I queefed?
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
