good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
You ate ashes out of my bong
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