Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Randomize
