look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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