I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Randomize
