i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I have aggressive nipples.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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