i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
This is my gift to your gina
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
