We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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