this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Watching her eat just hurts me
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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