That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
