if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
it's great music for shaving your balls
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
