For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
You took a bar mat shot.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
