what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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