eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
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