there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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