i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
My balls are so social today.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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