One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
