Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Randomize
