Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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