jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
