Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
