you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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