remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
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The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
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Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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