wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
