They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
We got so high we made milksteak
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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