spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
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I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
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I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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