haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
