ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
