Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
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Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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